The Real vs. Ideal Self
Written By: Romona Hanson, Counseling Intern
Key Words: Humanistic Theory, Ideal Self, Real Self, Carl Rogers
Disclaimer: The information and resources provided in this blog post are simply supplementary information. The recommendations and resources in this post are not a substitute for mental health treatment.
The Real vs. Ideal Self
As individuals go through the different stages of development, their bodies, environment, social groups, and interests change over time. Carl Rogers' Humanistic Theory posits the idea of the real self versus the ideal self--describing the real self as how we truly are and the ideal self as how we wish we were (Rogers, 1959). Dissatisfaction between the real self and ideal self causes incongruence and leads one to experience feelings of inadequacy about themself. Conversely, being satisfied with oneself refers to congruence, which is built by growing up in an environment with acceptance, genuineness, and empathy (Rogers, 1959).
Every person has a unique set of experiences and character traits and a tendency to seek acceptance from others. However, typically, as one grows older and their environment begins to change, it may lose the genuineness and empathy it once possessed. Then the feeling of dissection with the sense of self may arise. This dissection may lead one to question who they are or feel displeased with who they have become and wish they had different qualities. This displeasure with the self and desire to be different is called incongruence (Rogers, 1959). Until one has acceptance, genuineness, and empathy in their life and is able to become accepting of the self, they will always feel some level of indifference with themselves.
How can we become accepting of who we are?
For the acceptance of oneself to occur, an individual must first accept their real self (who they actually are) by expressing their personality. With the genuine expression of one's personality, an individual will not only be more comfortable with who they are as a person, but others will see them for who they are, leading to congruence. With congruence, the ideal self and real self are very similar, leading to a "genuine" self (Rogers, 1959). Individuals who reach congruence are likely to be seen by others as genuine because they accept themselves for who they are.
References
Rogers, C. R. (1959). A theory of therapy, personality, and interpersonal relationships: As developed in the client-centered framework (Vol. 3, pp. 184-256). New York: McGraw-Hill.