The Importance of Forgiveness and how it Affects our Health
Written by: Lia Shaffer-Tropeano
Key Words: Mental health, forgiveness, communication tools
Trigger Warning: Discussions of mental health, anxiety and stressors
Disclaimer: The information and resources provided in this blog post are simply supplementary information. The recommendations and resources in this post are not a substitute for mental health treatment.
The Importance of Forgiveness and how it Affects our Health
The human condition can be messy, it requires a commitment to adapting, learning and growing. As we navigate through uncharted feelings and emotions, we gain knowledge and pick up tools along the way. A significant aspect of learning is the ability to refine our emotional intelligence and gain a better understanding of how to use and apply the skills we’ve cultivated. One of the most substantial tools being forgiveness.
Forgiveness is essential to our lives; it plays an important role in sustaining both good mental and physical health. It is a key factor in all relationships, whether it be with partners, parents, friends or ourselves. The absence of forgiveness allows for resentment to grow which can negatively impact our mental wellbeing. Although forgiveness can come very naturally to some, it is still a skill that needs to be explored, cultivated and practiced for it to be effective in our communication with one another.
Like most skills that lead to greater emotional intelligence, genuine forgiveness must be practiced as it takes time to incorporate it as second nature in our communication skills. Forgiveness begins with allowance. The allowance to let go of our ego, the allowance to receive other’s words and potential criticism and the allowance to admit fault or release fault from another. Bob Enright, a psychology professor at the University of Wisconsin, wholeheartedly believes true forgiveness is “offering something positive—empathy, compassion, understanding—toward the person who hurt you. That element makes forgiveness both a virtue and a powerful construct in positive psychology” (Weir, 2017). Forgiveness has sometimes been given the title of simply letting go or moving on, when in reality this is a gross oversight of the emotional willingness it takes to forgive.
Not only has forgiveness correlated with positive mental health changes such as reduced depression, anxiety and other psychiatric disorders; it has also been linked to lower mortality rates and leads to fewer physical health issues (Weir, 2017). These findings are the premise of Forgiveness and Health, a book detailing how forgiveness affects our health (Toussaint, Worthington, & Williams, 2015). In the book, the authors illustrate how stress relief is one of the main reasons for the correlation between good health and forgiveness, sharing “We know chronic stress is bad for our health … Forgiveness allows you to let go of the chronic interpersonal stressors that cause us undue burden” (Weir, 2017). Additionally they recommend letting go of toxic, painful anger: "When you get rid of anger, your muscles relax, you're less anxious, you have more energy, your immune system can strengthen" (Weir, 2017).
Applying this newfound knowledge on the benefits of proactive and genuine forgiveness to our lives can be done in a few ways. Remember, enhancing your ability to forgive takes time and practice, it is normal if your willingness to forgive doesn’t magically expand overnight. Persistence and conscious redirection of learned behaviors are key. A recommendation from Forgiveness and Health is to start by attempting to broaden your capacity for empathy. There are a few ways this can be done, one is to use journaling as a writing exercise. Write about your feelings or journal about everyday interactions and try to find an empathetic viewpoint on the situation you’ve chosen to describe. This will help you view things from other people’s perspectives, therefore helping you gain more sympathy for others. This can then directly be applied to your patience with and understanding for forgiving.
Although it can sometimes be misrepresented as a weakness, forgiveness is a strength. It has proven to be something that is extremely beneficial for us as it lowers our stress levels and helps us lead a more joyous life. The ability to forgive is not easy, it takes time and dedication and might require the help of a licensed therapist. If you are wanting to expand your capacity to forgive or to overall broaden your emotional intelligence, our therapists have the tools to point you in the right direction and get you to where you would like to be.
References
Toussaint, L., Worthington, E., & Williams, D. R. (2015). Forgiveness and health scientific evidence and theories relating forgiveness to better health. Dordrecht: Springer Netherlands.
Weir, K. (2017, January). Forgiveness can improve mental and physical health. Retrieved July 22, 2022, from https://www.apa.org/monitor/2017/01/ce-corner